and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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