Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
