He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
