best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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