dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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