I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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