so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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