Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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