It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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