Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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