she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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