I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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