even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
