He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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