I can't watch pbs sober anymore
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
