I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
