I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
