You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
