I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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