I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
