i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
