Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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