Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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