sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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