Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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