I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
