i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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