I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
