it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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