Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
