dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
