it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
