how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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