I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
