Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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