how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
