Don't make out with my wife yet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
