Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
