There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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