I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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