Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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