what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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