yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
