I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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