That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
