What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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