GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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