What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
