i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
