the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
