Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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