those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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